I feel like I’m learning to live on a very small boat, both because my life during this time has gotten simpler and more focused—I’ve had to cut extraneous activities since starting, and my family has stood as a crew with me to make this happen—and because I’m really feeling the balance that’s necessary between the desire to help individuals and the desire to figure out the puzzle that is the hospital bureaucracy—which ultimately is a structure to help, but much larger and more complex than myself.
Not that these contradict each other, mostly. They just feel like they use very different parts of my brain and heart, and the shifting gears between working with patients and going to charting and stats still feels a little jarring at this early point.
Things I’m grateful for: the patients and their thirst for spirit, my peers in the program, committed teachers who are helping me to build on the lineage of chaplaincy and service, my family and their enthusiasm and support, being part of a faith lineage.
Yom Kippur was this last week, and for the first time in maybe 10 years I didn’t feel like it took me by surprise. Thank you to CPE training.